I FLY music video

•March 18, 2013 • Leave a Comment

from the CD BEATLESQUE FOUR – Love Everyone


words & music by Alan Bernhoft

Round and round our planet likes to spin
You cry, while I win
here and there, your mind goes everywhere
Have fun but take care

While you’re lost in confusion

Chasing waves in your busy little brain
I feel for your pain
Step inside and look at what you’ve got
Life’s here, but you’re not

While you’re lost in confusion

Round and round, your ego likes to spin
You lose and I grin
here and there, your focus everywhere
Chose love and begin
But you’re lost in confusion


AWAY FOR HOURS music video

•March 18, 2013 • Leave a Comment

from the CD BEATLESQUE FOUR – Love Everyone


words & music by Alan Bernhoft

I’ve been away for hours
Wandering in moonlight towers
Basking in sunlit reaches
Chasing waves on emerald beaches

I’ve been away for hours
I might’ve missed the flowers
I could’ve missed the time
Oh well

I might release completely
I felt her words so sweetly
Her touch was so sublime
Oh yeah

I’ve been away for hours
Wandering in moonlight towers
I might’ve missed the time
Oh well

2012 “Firsts” List

•January 13, 2013 • Leave a Comment

2012 Firsts

it was a fun, busy year, with several “firsts” for me, including these…iphone august 2012 126

Disneyland- 3 day Daddy/ Daughter trip with Melody. It was a very special trip while Marnie and Alanna were in Italy. We were joined on our third day by our pal, Joe Harding, who bought a killer Indiana Jones hat and satchel, which he is never without. Melody’s Uncle Evan was there in spirit, bankrolling her shopping sprees from afar!



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My first short story was published and we had an amazing book signing Event at Dark Delicacies in Burbank. I was humbled to be among so many accomplished writers and made many new friends! Fangoria gave us a particularly great review, where they singled out my story! I also spoke along with several of the authors on a Literary panel for Hollywood’s Shockfest Film Festival, where we received their award for Literary Achievement.




My first Sinatra-style gig, singing standards- Mother’s Day, Assisted Living Home in Glendale, which led to Hotel Lounge Gigs – including 5 weeks at the Hilton Universal subbing for my friend, Melody Federer.

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My new CD, Beatlesque Four completed & released to rave reviews, which includes some writing and production I’m particularly proud of, as well as four of my “TS Dorglesnout” poems, my first poetry ever published.

 I completed recording and mixing my Familysong  CD with Traci Green featuring 19 songs which we perform every Tuesday morning for Toddlers and their Moms & Dads.

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My first acting audition and callback for one of my favorite shows of all time, WEEDS! Thanks to my amazing agent, Cynthia Barry!

I passed the Groundlings audition, and took The Groundlings basic level -12 classes completed. YAY IMPROV!


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I was the Sound Man for Alanna’s school play “Alice In Wonderland” Man, was she FANTASTIC to watch! I’ve played hundreds of live shows as a performer, never as sound man. 

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 I met several new celebrities this year, some of whom I really admire, like Dick van Dyke, Tim Robbins and Jack Black.

My first Sitcom Spec Script Completed- for30 Rock, “The Emperor’s Nude Close”

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First 5K Run in 4 years at the Rose Bowl!

I was a Film festival judge for Mockfest film festival, I read and evaluated 15 original screenplays.

iphone august 2012 407We camped at Sequoia National Forest for the very first time, Along with three other families, we had an eventful trip including several bear sitings and  something strange at a secluded spot where I came upon dozens of what can only be described as “Bigfoot” tracks. I wish the pics were as clear as the tracks. Keep in mind my shoe is a size thirteen and the tracks were a good four inches or so bigger than that. Weird. I ran and got my daughter and her friend, who were nearby to witness the tracks, which were all over the place in some very rugged terrain.iphone august 2012 415

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Melody Bernhoft (& Dad) “Hap Hap Hap Hap Happy Thanksgiving”

•November 23, 2012 • Leave a Comment

A Thanksgiving Day Command Performance By World Renowned Percussionist Melody Bernhoft (& Dad) 11.22.2012 Thanksgiving Day, “Hap Hap Hap Hap Happy Thanksgiving” First Movement


•October 14, 2012 • Leave a Comment



Posted by Vivienne Vaughn Sep 13, 2012
 Edited by Eric Miller, HELL COMES TO HOLLYWOOD (out now from Big Time Books) is an anthology of short horror fiction stories revolving around the common theme of being set in Tinseltown. Many of the tales parody the infamous side of LA: the questionable morals, obsession with youth, what Paul J. Salamoff describes as “hedonism run amuck” in his story “Bad Fix,” and as Charles Austin Muir calls it in “Alone and Palely Loitering,” the “world of blonde, vacuous heiresses and their abdominal-obsessed male counterparts.” The book unapologetically satirizes Old Hollywood, New Hollywood and everything in between.


HELL COMES TO HOLLYWOOD is all-encompassing, featuring stories that span from wonderfully gratuitous, over-the-top gorefests (one of the many delightful descriptions is as follows from Alan Bernhoft’s “The Legend of Sleepy Hollywood”: “Warm, dark liquid gushes from the transient’s severed head, steaming in the cool night air as a fountain of blood sprays from the neck”) to tales that are genuinely haunting and linger in your mind long afterward (Travis Baker’s “Pyre” in particular is especially terrifying).

In addition to this, the book packs in much homage to the classic horror films and directors; in “Cattle Call,” Elizabeth Musgrave describes the “blackened blood and brain matter splattered against the wall, George A. Romero style.” William Pacquet’s “Trash Day” features a deli serving sandwiches named La Bava, La Lenzi, La Argento and La Fulci, topped with “several olives pierced with toothpicks to the outer crust of the roll, in homage to the master’s penchant for eye trauma.”

HELL COMES TO HOLLYWOOD is a unique and refreshing read for any genre fan, and genuinely impossible to not enjoy. We talked to the book’s editor, as well as screenwriter, director, producer and all-around Renaissance man Miller for further details.

FANGORIA: How was the idea for HELL COMES TO HOLLYWOOD conceived?

ERIC MILLER: I’ve always been in love with books and the written word and had wanted to do a story collection for a long time. When I started to sense a lot of frustration among my screenwriter friends with the seemingly endless cycle of writing and rewriting scripts and doing the Hollywood pitch meeting routine over and over, I decided to try something new creatively. Since I am friends with lots of horror people and have been making movies for over 20 years, a horror anthology about Hollywood just made sense. After years of research and study into publishing, I founded Big Time Books and put out the call for stories. I got a lot of advice and inspiration from friends, such as Frank Forte at Asylum press; comic book writer, artist and “Man of Action” Duncan Rouleau; and screenwriter Shane Bitterling, who was my daily sounding board (and kick in the ass). Shane also wrote “They Go in Threes” for the book, and it is a pretty sick look into the old celebrity death myth.

FANG: Can you talk about your involvement in the genre and your inspiration to compile the book?

MILLER: I grew up as a horror nut in the Midwest, watching horror films I was way too young for and devouring all the genre books and magazines I could find: FANGORIA, FAMOUS MONSTERS and so on. When I made my way to Hollywood, I fell in with a crazy group of Corman and Empire vets that were pumping out low budget genre movies and I was hooked. I cut my cinematic teeth with David DeCoteau and John Schouweiler (who did a story in the book called “Dog Eat Dog”) and their Cinema Home Video label, and later at Full Moon Entertainment and other companies, where I found that genre film sets (especially horror) were the best place to learn the business and the most fun to work on.

In between production jobs, I worked as a script reader, did development work and eventually wrote my own screenplays. I’ve had five screenplays produced so far, all horror in one way or another: SHADOW MEN, NIGHT SKIES, ICE SPIDERS, MASK MAKER and SWAMP SHARK. I’ve also had some genre scripts optioned and did a few uncredited rewrites through the years. I love making films, but writing is my real passion.

My horror career took a big leap when I was hired as head of production at the start-up horror boutique Raw Nerve. I had known Scott Spiegel socially for years, but never had the chance to work with him, and I met Eli Roth and Boaz Yakin through Raw Nerve; for a while, I literally had the horror world knocking on my door. I met a ton of great people there and had the chance to co-produce 2001 MANIACS, as well as see the genesis of the HOSTEL series. It was great to be at the center of all things horror. I made many friends for life at Raw Nerve, including my ex-assistant Jed Strahm who is now a director in his own right. I helped produce his film KNIFEPOINT and let him order me around for a change. Brett and Drew Pierce from DEADHEADS zombie film fame were interns there – Drew is also an awesome artist and did the cover for the book. After I left Raw Nerve, I stayed involved in horror every way I could, writing my own scripts and producing films.

All of my years of movie work went into making the book. There are just so many experiences the writers and I have had, so many places we’ve been, people we’ve met, things we’ve seen, that moviemaking has worked its way into our blood; I wanted to share some of the behind-the-scenes world with readers. The stories are obviously fictional, but they are all drawn from those real experiences and are pretty close to reality until the axes start swinging. And after, in some cases…

FANG: How did you assemble the writers?

MILLER: I asked for stories just from friends at first, especially the ones I knew were good writers or had very smart story senses as directors or producers. I stuck with people with genre credits for the most part, though if someone could write, it didn’t really matter to me what genre they worked in – some of the best horror works of all time come from creators outside the genre box, from the original HAUNTING to 28 DAYS LATER. A few of the more experienced writers had never actually written in the short story format before, but they aced the stories anyway – a good writer is a good writer.

Many people came on board right away. Joe Dougherty (screenwriter of CAST A DEADLY SPELL and writer/producer of TV’s PRETTY LITTLE LIARS) hit me with his sublime story “Town Car” in a couple of weeks. I got a lot of commitments and stories, but other friends were just too busy to help, so I expanded the search a bit to friends of friends and met some great people, got some wonderful stories that way. In the end, it’s about 60 percent people I have known for years and 40 percent new writers. I actually forgot to ask a few friends to contribute – I hope they don’t feel left out. They can rest assured; I will be hitting them up for the next book.


HEY! I’m a Published Author!

•July 8, 2012 • Leave a Comment

A chilling collection of original horror stories inspired by Hollywood, featuring my original short story, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollywood” edited by Eric Miller.

Join me, myself and I with the other authors in our first in-store book signing event at DARK DELICACIES, 3512 W. Magnolia, Burbank, CA 91505 July 28th, 2012 at 2PM.

You can also pre-order an autographed copy HERE and have it shipped anywhere on the planet! Simply click on SIGNING EVENTS on the upper left side of the page- then scroll down to our signing event and add the book to your shopping cart! Wasn’t that fun? It’s even more fun the second time!

Order on AMAZON here

Order on your KINDLE here

Order on NOOK eBook

BEATLESQUE FOUR – LOVE EVERYONE new music release & review

•June 24, 2012 • Leave a Comment

CD Review: Beatlesque Four by Alan Bernhoft
Looks like Alan Bernhoft has done it again with his latest release, Beatlesque Four! I think I can safely say, this album is the best of the bunch.

The CD starts out with a catchy, little head-bobbing, Lennon-esque title track, Love Everyone. This is one of those songs you can imagine every mom wanting to play for their young children.

Another memorable tune is track 9 – My Rolls Royce…a song you can imagine Ringo singing. Everything from the limited vocal range to the silly lyrics just screams Ringo!

Track 11, I Fly is an amazing tune that really and truly highlights the talents of Alan Bernhoft. It’s just beautiful with it’s whisp of Beatles influence but not overdone.

Included in this album are three spoken word tracks from the writings of T.S. Dorglesnout. They’re amusing little ditties fit perfectly in amongst the songs. Who’s T.S. Dorglesnout? When you find out, please let me know too!

This album ends with the song, Captain Anaujiram. Though me and the good Captain would never share company, they song is amusing!

I don’t want to leave out that Mr. Bernhoft has included a holiday tune on this album called Imagine Christmas. I must say I’m a fan of it already since I’ve personally had enough of the same-old, same-old holiday tunes every year. I’d love to see the song distributed to radio stations across the country and be the next big holiday song!

I’m very impressed with this album and enjoyed getting an early copy of it. The official release date is Saturday, June 23, 2012. You can sample and buy a digital copy at


I rate this CD: 4 out of 4 Beetles

Jennifer Vanderslice


The Oscars & The Day Job

•February 26, 2012 • 3 Comments

Just a few years ago, I was working at a restaurant in Pasadena on Oscar night with Nat Faxon. I was managing/waiting tables and Nat was behind the bar. There were no reservations, so, expecting a slow night, we had a crappy little TV in the bar to catch the show and make smart-ass comments. If we moved the antennae just right, we got decent reception. As it turns out, we got slammed that night and didn’t get to watch much of the show.
Tonight Nat is nominated for an Academy Award for his screenplay for The Descendants, written with Jim Rash and Alexander Payne. I couldn’t be more proud. I told him he would be nominated when I saw him at a show at The Groundlings Theater a few weeks ago. (Groundlings alumnus are up for 6 awards this year)
But it got me thinking about “day jobs.” Do you realize that virtually every person you see in that theater on Oscar night had (or still has) a “day job?” Know what a “day job” is? It’s that thing you call a “job” that takes up all your time and drains all your energy and keeps the house in place, the food in the fridge and the cars running. Most artists- actors, writers, musicians, producers, directors, etc, must have a “day job” as they pursue their dream career in the arts, which is itself a full time job. On top of this, many of us have families to take care of as well. And pets.
No complaints here- I’m not a whiner. My life is a friggin blast, actually. But I always wonder if people realize what artists go through, with all the odds stacked against them, just for a chance to leave behind something special in this world for people they’ll never meet. Can you imagine doing your job for free, or very little pay, while you worked another job on the side until your “real” job panned out for you? So when you’re yelling rude things at the TV tonight during the Oscars (hey, that’s what I do too) just remember you’re seeing some kickass people who held it together and went for it.
I’m going to miss Nat tonight, because I’ll be on a video shoot for one of my “day jobs.” So don’t tell me what happens. I’ll tivo it. (And tomorrow I audition to be the new Viking in the Capital One commercials. Seriously, what’s in YOUR wallet?)

(l to r) Nat Faxon, Alexander Payne, Jim Rash

me & Nat as idiot stoners at The Groundlings Theater

Nat at the Golden Globes, just behind Melissa McCarthy, behind Dustin Hoffman, with huge grin

“INITIAL RAP” my song from Dr Demento Radio Show

•December 29, 2011 • Leave a Comment

MY ONE AND ONLY RAP SONG- long ago on the Dr Demento Show- not sure who posted this, but it’s pretty cool, and I thanks them. This was syndicated internationally. At the end of my song you can hear John Cleese, as Demento segues into Monty Python’s “Eric, The Half A Bee” …Cleese later autographed the broadcast show notes for me when we met in Pasadena